Motherhood & Duality: Why You Can Feel Opposite Things at the Same Time (and What That Means for Your Healing)

Have you ever felt wildly grateful for your life and also completely touched out?Have you ever gone from calmly sipping coffee to suddenly snapping at your kid for asking one too many questions?

That’s not you being “crazy.” That’s you experiencing duality—and it’s actually one of the most important signs that you’re evolving, especially if you're doing inner work.

But what is duality, really?

Let’s talk about it. Not just in a spiritual or theoretical way—but in the way it actually shows up in the messy, overstimulating, beautiful, and overwhelming world of motherhood.

What Is Duality?

Duality is the experience of two seemingly opposite truths coexisting at the same time. It’s the ability to say, “Both of these are true for me right now.”

In motherhood, duality is everywhere:

You might love your child with every fiber of your being… and still fantasize about checking into a hotel just to be alone.You might feel proud of how far you've come in your healing journey… and still feel like you're losing your patience way too often.You might be deeply grateful for your life… and still feel a lingering sadness for the version of yourself that had more freedom.

This is duality in motion. It’s not a sign that you’re confused, broken, or failing.It’s a sign that you’re expanding. That you’re becoming more honest with yourself.That you’re willing to feel the full spectrum of what it means to be human.

But duality can be disorienting, especially if you weren’t raised in a household that made space for complexity. You might default to thinking, “I can’t feel both—I need to pick one. And if I don’t, something’s wrong with me.”

That’s where the real work begins.

How Parts Work Helps You Make Sense of It All

One of the most powerful tools I’ve learned in navigating duality is parts work—a therapeutic approach that helps you understand that you’re not just one “you,” but a whole collection of parts with different voices, needs, and beliefs.

You’re not just “the mom.” You’re also the inner child who still longs for safety. The teen who felt unseen. The woman who wants to be present.And the part of you who desperately wants to run.

These parts aren’t bad or wrong. They’re all trying to protect you, in the only way they know how.

So when you find yourself stuck in duality—like wanting to connect with your child but also desperately needing alone time—try this:

Instead of judging yourself, pause and say:"A part of me wants this, and another part of me needs that. Both are real. Both are valid."

This simple shift can bring so much relief. You don’t need to choose between your parts. You just need to listen to them.

When Your Shadow Is Running the Show

But what about the feelings you really don’t want to admit to?

Like the resentment that bubbles up when everyone needs something from you at once. Or the rage that flares when your boundaries are crossed again. Or the shame you feel for even having those reactions in the first place.

That’s where shadow work comes in.

Shadow work is the process of gently bringing awareness to the parts of yourself you’ve pushed away or rejected—usually because, at some point, you were taught they weren’t safe to express.

In motherhood, the shadow often includes:

• The part of you that craves freedom.

• The part of you that’s angry you’re the default parent.

• The part of you that’s still healing from not being nurtured the way you needed.

If these parts aren’t seen, they’ll find sneaky ways to be heard—often through overwhelm, yelling, or emotional shutdown.

Shadow work isn’t about fixing or silencing them. It’s about making space for them. It’s about saying, “I see you. I get why you feel this way. You’re not bad—you’re just hurting.”

When we do this, duality stops feeling like a war between “good mom” and “bad mom.” It becomes a layered, compassionate conversation between all the parts of who we are.

This Is the Work: Holding the Both/And

Inner work in motherhood isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming whole.

It’s about realizing that you can be both gentle and fierce. Both soft and strong. Both grateful and exhausted. Both a cycle-breaker and someone who still gets triggered.

And that’s okay.

The more you practice parts work and shadow work, the more you'll notice: duality no longer feels like you're being pulled in two directions. It feels like you’re coming back home to all of you.

A Few Questions to Sit With

If this speaks to you, here are a few gentle prompts to explore:

• Where in my motherhood journey am I experiencing duality right now?

• What parts of me are asking to be seen or heard?

• Are there any feelings I’m shaming myself for that could be welcomed with curiosity instead?

• What would it feel like to let all parts of me exist without trying to “fix” them?

You don’t need to be just one version of yourself. You don’t need to fit in a box labeled “present mom” or “overwhelmed mom.”You can be all of it—and still be growing.

So next time you feel torn, triggered, or tangled up in opposing emotions… pause. Take a breath. And remind yourself: Nothing is wrong with me. I’m just human, and I’m healing.

This is what it looks like to be a conscious mother. To parent in your power. To raise your child while raising yourself.

And I’m right here doing it with you.

🖤#TheTriggeredMomma#PartsWork#ShadowWork#DualityInMotherhood